mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
