My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Your dad touched me again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
