Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
