Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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