I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
