meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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