I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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