I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
