my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think brook has ever known best
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
