I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
