i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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