i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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