I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
