Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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