A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
