I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
