i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
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Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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