Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
