i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
