If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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