so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
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