At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
