drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
