His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
