I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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