paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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