This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this will be a night to untag.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
