I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
