So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
