garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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