booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
