you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How naked do you want me to be?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
