It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
