I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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