I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
