Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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