Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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