I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
