Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
