the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
