the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
