So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
