I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
