NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
