I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize