I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
