Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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