Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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