so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
