I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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