Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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