Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
