Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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