Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
