I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
