Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
false alarm, still single
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
