I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
