I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
