I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
