The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
