so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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