i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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