You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
