my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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