I seem to have left my pride at pride
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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