At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
