So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
