so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
