I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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