garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
