Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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