Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
