wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
