hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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